Call me shallow but I get jealous when I watch tv shows. Seriously. I get jealous of the characters that someone invented for a show. Pretty pathetic, right? I’ve been binge-watching a couple series lately, and I’m really jealous of some of the characters.
Well, not in Orange Is the New Black. But other series. Like Bones.
From the pilot episode on, Temperance Brennan’s life is pretty enviable. She’s super smart. She’s majorly successful in multiple careers. She’s highly respected. She’s got good friends. She’s got a great apartment, nice clothes, cool jewelry, and a sweet ride. She can kick ass (literally). Guys think she’s hot. And she has sex with hot guys. Later on, she’s also got a hot husband who adores her. And kids. Bad guys, danger, social awkwardness, and occasional appearances by a semi-crappy family aside, she’s got a pretty sweet life.
The closest I come is in the house, clothes, and jewelry departments. And that’s not very close. It’s kind of depressing.
I’m not saying I want all of it. That would be greedy. And while I can be greedy, my self-esteem is way too low to think that I can have all of that. I can’t even imagine having a life where I succeed so well in so many areas. Of course, I have a hard time picturing anyone blowing life out of the water that well. But it’s really hard to imagine when it’s me.
So I don’t want all of it. I only want a little slice. The sex with hot guys, for instance (I want a Ferrari). Or even 1 guy that I consider hot.
I mean, I like being single. Honestly. But sometimes I miss having someone to talk to or to hold on to. Especially when a tv show makes it look better than delicious, calorie-free ice cream and a million bucks. I’m also jealous of her success. I’ll never be the top of any career. I’m not sure I’d like to be. When I see how nice they make it seem on tv, however, it’s hard to believe that I really don’t want it.
And that’s the problem. They make all these things seem so awesome that it makes me want them. And a lot of the time I don’t actually want them. How confusing is that? And how psychologically trippy is it that watching tv shows can manipulate my emotions enough to make me feel like I do? That’s, well, that’s just plain terrifying.
I don’t want my television to tell me what to do. And the fact that I wrote that makes me feel both paranoid and crazy. But I don’t. I don’t like having my emotions manipulated so that I feel jealous of things I don’t even really want to have. Who are they to tell me what I want? And how much of my life has been shaped by that manipulation?
It’s like being suckered in by a sale. You get a coupon with a great deal in the mail. So you have to go to the store. When you get there, you find a few things that are ok. You kinda like them. And it’s a really good deal. So you spend $40 on something that’s worth $100 just to get $60 off.
That’s what watching tv shows is doing to me. They angle things so that they seem like they’re such a good deal or such a great situation that I feel jealous of the characters on the show. And half the time, it’s all show. I don’t really want that. And I don’t know whether to be annoyed or scared.