Why Bother?

This week, I feel like the hospital is telling me I should have let the cancer kill me.

I was told going in that I was poor enough that financial aid would cover it. They did for a while. Then, they decided I no longer qualified.

In total, my remaining bills are over 80% of what I made last year. When I called billing 2 months ago and pointed that out, they told me they didn’t understand why I no longer qualified for financial aid and that they didn’t think I could even afford the minimum payment that the hospital would require. They recommended that I reapply for assistance.

I did what they told me to do. I even called them back to let them know that I had reapplied so that they could reset my account to keep it from going to collections. I was told they had done that.

I got a notice from 2 collections agencies this past week. It says on the paperwork that it takes 180 days after the debt is made for it to go to collections. That’s 6 months. It has not been 6 months since I was told the account was reset. When I called and told them that, the woman told me “You shouldn’t have been told that.”

Like I was lying. Or like their telling me they’d reset it didn’t matter because the person was wrong.

So I can’t even trust what they tell me when I call them specifically for help? It’s been barely over a month since I last talked to them, updating them and asking what I needed to do. They never once told me I needed to make some sort of payment or set up a payment plan or whatever I would’ve needed to do to keep it from going to collections.

I can’t even describe the feeling that causes. Despair is too mild. The helplessness and hopelessness of calling and trying only for it to mean nothing is too much. It’s simply too much for my brain and my already stupid emotions to deal with. It makes me cry without being able to make a sound. It makes me rock back and forth without knowing.

It makes me wish that I hadn’t bothered to get treated in the first place.

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