This just makes me happy.
There’s good news maybe. I had called hospital billing again to try to figure everything out, and they said that they might be able to get the bills back from collection and put me on a payment plan. It’s still painful and frustrating because I was more than willing to do that in the first place if they’d told me what was needed (you know, when I asked). They said to call back in two days and find out if they could get them back or not.
I talked to them today, and they said that they would definitely get all the bills back and on the payment plan. I wish I could say I felt relief but after having had so many people tell me different things, I’m not sure I believe them. I can see me calling back in a week and finding out it wasn’t true.
I hope I’m wrong and it is true. If it is, it will be a huge relief. I don’t know whether it will still ding my credit, but I have to figure that it will be less damage than if they left it in collections. If it’s not true, I see more frustrating and stressful phone calls in my future.
That’s positive thinking, right? That’s the kind of thing I think of when people tell me to think positive. That or I’m positive I’m dying slowly.
Even when everything I can’t do or change overwhelms me, I don’t want to kill myself. I simply don’t want to keep living. I don’t think most people realize that there can be a difference.
This week, I feel like the hospital is telling me I should have let the cancer kill me.
I was told going in that I was poor enough that financial aid would cover it. They did for a while. Then, they decided I no longer qualified.
In total, my remaining bills are over 80% of what I made last year. When I called billing 2 months ago and pointed that out, they told me they didn’t understand why I no longer qualified for financial aid and that they didn’t think I could even afford the minimum payment that the hospital would require. They recommended that I reapply for assistance.
I did what they told me to do. I even called them back to let them know that I had reapplied so that they could reset my account to keep it from going to collections. I was told they had done that.
I got a notice from 2 collections agencies this past week. It says on the paperwork that it takes 180 days after the debt is made for it to go to collections. That’s 6 months. It has not been 6 months since I was told the account was reset. When I called and told them that, the woman told me “You shouldn’t have been told that.”
Like I was lying. Or like their telling me they’d reset it didn’t matter because the person was wrong.
So I can’t even trust what they tell me when I call them specifically for help? It’s been barely over a month since I last talked to them, updating them and asking what I needed to do. They never once told me I needed to make some sort of payment or set up a payment plan or whatever I would’ve needed to do to keep it from going to collections.
I can’t even describe the feeling that causes. Despair is too mild. The helplessness and hopelessness of calling and trying only for it to mean nothing is too much. It’s simply too much for my brain and my already stupid emotions to deal with. It makes me cry without being able to make a sound. It makes me rock back and forth without knowing.
It makes me wish that I hadn’t bothered to get treated in the first place.