I’m starting to understand why people with mental/emotional issues get addicted to things. When you’re in the grip of whatever problem you have, all you want is for that feeling to stop. And if you find something that makes the feeling stop, you want to do that every time you have that feeling.
I buy things. Yes, when it’s compulsive and hard to control, shopping is an addiction. Call me a victim of our country’s consumer mentality, but buying things makes me feel better. It’s exciting. It’s fun. I get cool new stuff that makes me happy – the commercials tell me that having stuff will make me happy, so it must be true, right?
Yeah, no. I guess I should have said that it used to make me happy. You see, it doesn’t work anymore. Maybe it would if I had an unlimited budget. Or if I didn’t loathe myself so much that going to a clothing store turns into an episode of How Awful Do I Look Now – then it might work. Now, I might get a quick surge of excitement at the store if I’m buying movies or something. But it’s followed by guilt and worry about the money spent. Plus, anything related to looks is out.
That’s the problem with addictions. They work based on that high, but the high gets lower and lower the more you do it.
On the plus side, saving money is easier. On the down side, I have one less thing that makes me happy. I guess the biggest lesson to learn from this is that the addiction is a short-term fix. It may push aside that awful feeling, but it doesn’t last forever. And when it does wear off, it comes with new issues that aren’t easy to deal with.