I am not very good at forgiving people. Unfortunately, I am also not very good at being mean to people without feeling guilty. And by mean, I mean acting a bit cold and standoffish – I don’t say nasty things to them, but I’m not as friendly or kind as I would’ve been. Basically, I try not to talk to them so that I won’t say nasty things.
And my brain considers that mean. You’d think trying not to say mean things would count as being nice, but at the same time, since I’m mad or disgusted with the person, you’d think it wouldn’t bother me to be mean to them.
I wonder if that’s another bit of subconscious training I didn’t know about.
There’s a part of me that thinks I should try to be kind and understanding. I don’t know all the details of their lives. Maybe, from their perspective, they had a good reason for what they did.
Then, there’s the opposite side that says some behavior is unacceptable and that I can’t really respect or trust someone who does not accept those boundaries.
I don’t know if I’ll ever figure this one out. I have a sinking suspicion that I’ll be struggling with this puzzle for the rest of my life.